Things are seldom What They Seem

I have been a fan of Gilbert & Sullivan operaettas for many years. When I was young, I was even a member of an amateur Group that only performed Gilbert and Sullivan works. Although many of their lines are so far out of date that it is impossible to know what they refer to, many of their themes are universal and timeless. One of them, is a song in HMS Pinafore entitled "Things are Seldom What they Seem."

I was reminded of that thought recently in a mediation that I was conducting. The couple, married for 15 years with 2 kids, had met with me three times. They were extremely nice to each other and agreed on almost every issue that was discussed. Until the subject of what to do with their house came up. Shortly after we started talking about it, they each started yelling and cursing at each other and accusing each other of really bad things. It got so heated that I had to separate them for a few minutes so that each could have a chance to calm down.

Obviously, they were not the calm and agreeable couple that they seemed to be. There were reasons that they were divorcing after 15 years.

I always try to be sensitive and cognizant to the feelings of couples who are separating or divorcing. Whether it is an "easy" case or a "hard" one, emotions run deep. I realize that the process is emotionally stressful and difficult for ALL couples, no matter how much they try not to show it, and I try to respect those feelings and recognize that they are completely natural and legitimate.